Holy Matriphoney

I know to everyone else we seem like a married couple, but at home it couldn't be more of a farce. He does perform some typical husbandly duties such as farting, picking his belly button, demanding I cook for him (the nerve!), and being a total tight-wad when it comes to me. I perform as a wife in such a way as I can nod and look interested in what he says about his day, when in reality I'm thinking about getting my hair done, or something else far more important than his "hard work day" and sometimes....I cook. But yes, I do avoid feeling like a wife as much as possible. I just can't give up my false sense of freedom, or my right to not wash his skivvies if I choose not to.

Today an appraiser came to the house and called me Mrs. Insertboyfriendsnamehere. It felt ugly and old and dusty and weird.

I'm going to go put some high heels on, a short skirt and walk by a construction site. That should make me feel better.