Friday, I'm in love

Today at work, one of my usually upbeat coworkers came in all gloomy and sad. Her boyfriend of 5 years broke up with her on Friday. Later, as I walked to the restroom, I saw another coworker standing by the vending machine debating whether or not to eat a Snickers bar or cookies. She looked like she was going to cry. It turns out her boyfriend broke up with her on Friday also.

Me? I could offer no advice or comfort as my boyfriend broke up with me too. Not Friday technically, but Saturday AM.

I could certainly empathize with them, but yet I felt my break-up was bigger. Like it meant more. I'm older. I live with him. I see his stupid face every damn morning. But really, in retrospect it's all relative. Love lost for anyone is the same loss.

It's silly. We all thought we wanted it. We always grumped and groaned about our significant others, so to an outsider it's what we wanted. So, I understand these girls. I know their pain. Our guys were obvious douchebags, but they were OUR douchebags.

The End.

You know why I love him?

He let me sleep in this morning when I had cramps.

Men like variety, he says

Normally my girlfriends can't stand him. They see the way he talks to me, and they are pretty much repelled by that alone. Well, now I have a brand spanking new bff and she actually does like him. She's a bit crazy and off of her meds right now, so I'm chalking it up to that.
He's already wrapped around her finger. She asks him to do something....he does it. She asks him to come somewhere with us....he's there. She comes over often, and he likes it. He doesn't even spend this much time around his own friends!

Him and I have completely different types of friends from eachother. His are probably a tad more conservative than mine (republicans?) and mine are foot loose and fancy free. He does have some friends who are possibly a little too wild for even me (s&m anyone?), but for the most part....they are all about the bikes, cars, computers and cameras. My new bff however, is none of those things. Actually, she's rather a lot like me, and yet he is so enamored with her.

SO, just like EVERY guy on the planet who has a gf with a cute friend, they bring up the threesome angle. Oh, yes he did!

So, what do you do? Do you give in and let him show your friend what only he considers a "good time"? Or do you tell him to get bent and then worry he's going to find it somewhere else? For him finding it somewhere else would cost money, and he does not like to spend money, and honestly....do I want to be comparing notes with my friend over HIM? Probably not.

Why do guys want this? I asked him and he told me it's because men like variety. Well, I like variety too, but usually only when it comes to shoes! Is this a normal desire, or is he just a complete and utter douche? I'll need to start a scientific poll.

I learned something about myself

I have gone through relationships in my life like somewhat of a robot. Instead of a heart beating inside me, it seemed there was an empty rusty little box.

I stayed up all night thinking about what he is worth to me. Did he deserve to be loved and adored? Probably not, but I was willing to give it a shot.

I've taken on the apologetic guy role. I want to wine and dine him and buy shiny things. He's not gay, so figuring a way to make it up to him shall be difficult. I actually sent him flowers. *cough* I know, I know. I have never done that in my life. I spent hours looking through hundreds of floral websites last night just to find "the one". He's a sucker for a good arrangement. As I mentioned above, he is not gay.

I guess I just need to be considerate. Like, a lot more considerate. He needs to work on that too, but if I make him as comfortable in life as possible, he'll feel like a complete ass everytime he does something wrong. And I want him to feel like an ass, dammit.

So, if all this doesn't get me laid, then he IS gay.

Let there be light

The borefriend decided to go to his parents house last night.

I went out with a lady from work who so badly needed to talk about her horrible home life, and since she can't quite stop yapping no matter how uninterested you look, I was pretty certain i'd make it home in no less than 2 days. However, it was closer to 2:00am.

The angry calls from the bf started at about 1am. This is the usual. I'm trying to explain the situation to him, without really explaining. I had and extra pair of ears next to me. Total awkward moment.

I get home not even realizing his car is gone. I run up stairs babbling my head off about how totally lame the entire night was, and I dive into bed. It's empty! Whaaaaat?

So, rather than discuss things with me, he runs to his mothers, no doubt spouting off about how all our problems are my fault.

You know what though? He's a total evil ass 99% of time, but I miss him. I miss him terribly. He's always mocking and saying offensive things, but I miss just knowing he is safe and sound near me.

I need some serious help. Sigh.

Holy Matriphoney

I know to everyone else we seem like a married couple, but at home it couldn't be more of a farce. He does perform some typical husbandly duties such as farting, picking his belly button, demanding I cook for him (the nerve!), and being a total tight-wad when it comes to me. I perform as a wife in such a way as I can nod and look interested in what he says about his day, when in reality I'm thinking about getting my hair done, or something else far more important than his "hard work day" and sometimes....I cook. But yes, I do avoid feeling like a wife as much as possible. I just can't give up my false sense of freedom, or my right to not wash his skivvies if I choose not to.

Today an appraiser came to the house and called me Mrs. Insertboyfriendsnamehere. It felt ugly and old and dusty and weird.

I'm going to go put some high heels on, a short skirt and walk by a construction site. That should make me feel better.

Sleeping Lovers

I don't know what I was dreaming about last night, but I woke up shirtless and wrapped around him. His shirt was pulled up too. We looked at each other through sleepy eyes and a tight embrace, then....."ARRRGHGHGGHHGHG!!" We pulled apart and quickly went to opposite sides of the bed as if something shameful had happened.

In the morning I wanted to bring it up as I wasn't sure if it was a dream or not. It was a really awkward moment, and I could tell he didn't want to talk about it. He looked to the floor and mumbled something. Right then I knew I hadn't dreamt it, and I immediately tried to make excuses for how this could have happened. See, my subconscious knows that we're boyfriend and girlfriend, but hasn't quite registered the bit about us believing the other has cooties.

I don't think I'm safe in the same bed as him anymore. We could have.....*gasp*...KISSED!

Maaaaan, he saw it

I barely started this thing, and already he has found it. No hanky panky for me!

Toad in the hole

He woke me up through the night. I was really getting into the whole sleep thing. Here I am with 185lbs of man sweating all over my face and breathing a wind tunnel through my ear canal. I had a mouthful of Gatorade, and rolled over and was back in slumber within 15 minutes. He was a little nicer today.

Boyfriends

I'm pretty sure everyone is misserable in their relationship. If you have made it together beyond a year, I seriously doubt those butterflies and giddy feelings are still present. I think the only purpose of having a boyfriend is so that you have someone to look at when you have nothing to read.

Yesterday

It was April Fools Day. I was going to play a trick on him. I thought about leaving an opened pregnancy test with two lines on it in the bathroom. Then I remembered we don't have sex. I also remembered he doesn't have a sense of humor. I couldn't think of another joke to play. I should have told him his dog ran away, but really put him up in the plush Pets Hotel for a couple of days. Man, I bet his reaction would be priceless. He hasn't cried in a while.